Your life
deserves a roast.
Give us a little information about yourself. We'll use AI to tell you what your friends are too nice to say.
Takes ~30 seconds. Your dignity may not survive.
Roastme AI · Score
Deeply roastable. Your friends were right.
“You've optimized every system in your life except the one that ships things.”
🚩You call opening eleven tabs “doing research.”
🚩Your five-year plan changes every Tuesday.
What people would say
These are illustrative examples written by us, not real user testimonials. When real ones exist, they'll replace these.
“I gave it my LinkedIn and somehow it knew I haven't updated my CV since 2022.”
@example_user · example
“The career roast was personal 💀”
@example_user · example
“I paid $1 just to find out what else it knew.”
@example_user · example
Three steps to emotional damage
No account. No OAuth. No 14-step onboarding flow. You type things, we judge them.
Hand over the evidence
Pick how much you can take
Read it. Then send it to someone.
This is what you're signing up for
A real output shape, generated from a sample bio. Yours will be about you, which is worse.
Sample input
“27, product manager, three side projects, gym four times a week (in theory), 400 unread emails, currently learning Rust.”
Score
78
/100
Headline
“You're learning Rust to avoid replying to 400 emails, and honestly, respect.”
Three side projects is not a personality, it's a backlog. You talk about them the way people talk about a gym membership: present tense, high energy, zero attendance. “In theory” is doing so much work in that sentence it deserves overtime.
And the 400 unread emails — that's not a number, that's a coping mechanism. You've decided that if you never open them, the requests inside technically never happened. Meanwhile you're learning a systems programming language famous for yelling at you about ownership. Something to think about.
Red flags 🚩
- 🚩You describe unstarted projects in the present tense.
- 🚩“Four times a week” has an asterisk you did not write.
Green flags 🟢
- 🟢You keep starting things. Most people quit starting.
- 🟢You were honest enough to write “in theory.”
Yours is going to be worse. That's the point.
Roast me 🔥Pick your damage
Choose one, choose several, or choose Full Life Roast and find out what that says about you.
Career Roast
Your job title vs. your actual output.
Dating Roast
Your love life, reviewed without mercy.
Lifestyle Roast
How you actually spend a Tuesday.
Money Roast
Where it goes. Why it goes.
Social Media Roast
Your posting habits, under a microscope.
Tech Bro Roast
For the disruptors and the pre-seed dreamers.
Full Life Roast
Everything. All of it. Good luck.
Built to be screenshotted
Every roast comes with a downloadable PNG card. It is, unfortunately, quite postable.
Roastme AI
91/100
Beyond saving.
“You have 11 ideas and somehow all of them are waiting for Monday.”
roastme.ai
Roastme AI
64/100
Roastable, charmingly.
“You're not indecisive. You're just running a very long A/B test on your own life.”
roastme.ai
Roastme AI
83/100
Deeply roastable.
“Your budget is a vibe and your vibe is expensive.”
roastme.ai
The free one already hurts
One-time payment. No subscription. No nonsense. No surprise renewal in eleven months.
Free roast
$0
- Your roastability score
- Your headline
- 2–3 paragraph roast
- 3 red flags, 2 green flags
- Main character energy
Full roast
$1.99once
- Everything in the free roast
- The brutal summary (2–4 paragraphs)
- 5–7 red flags, 3–5 green flags
- Career, money, dating and social roasts
- Your self-sabotage pattern
- What your friends would roast you for
- Your main character arc + final verdict
Questions you should be asking
We're about to find out.
Thirty seconds. One honest paragraph about yourself. An outcome you cannot un-read.
Roast Me 🔥Your dignity is optional.